Favorite Things
I have a lot of favorite things. I keep an inventory in my mind of different collections of tangible and intangible things I file through when I can’t fall asleep at night. I imagine a blank space: it is completely white and illuminated with a sterile, bright light. Almost as if space and time were suspended in the fibers of a sheet of A4 printer paper. Then I imagine the cabinet that holds my collection of Favorite Things.
The cabinet is metal and grey with silver handles to pull out each compartment. When you pull on one of these handles, it makes a screech, and you can see the brown rust at the corners inside the cabinet. In each cabinet, there is a manila folder with the contents of whatever specific thing I wish to think of in that moment.
Some of the cabinets are empty. I use the empty cabinets to store the thoughts that might be overwhelming me (as I usually only imagine this space when I can’t fall asleep because I am stressed), and when I close the cabinet, I tell myself to stop thinking these things and instead open one of the filled cabinets with Favorite Things.
I have done this for a very long time. It’s something that I’ve never spoken about or written down. I thought it would be nice to have these things in print here in case I ever forgot:
Songs
I’ll Be Seeing You, Billie Holiday
Cupid De Locke, The Smashing Pumpkins
Sexy Boy - Vegyn Version, Air
These Days, Nico
Heavy//Light As Air, Alice Phoebe Lou
Feelings
The fresh dew on grass that you can’t see but you feel on your skin when you lie down
Swimming at night in the salty water of the ocean after drinking too much
Watching my banana bread baking in the oven right before it’s ready to come out
The melancholy of summer’s end that is experienced either in the sticky heat of a crowded park or walking home from a party late at night, listening to your music and seeing the bright lights of your favorite city
Subject lines of emails
“Is this Caitlin?”
“Fwd: Gift Card to Casa Birria NYC”
“You Rocked It… !”
“I Forgot the Meaning of Human Existence”
Art
Number 10, Mark Rothko
Air Bear, Joshua Allen Harris
Cere Anatomiche, David Cronenberg & La Specola
After The Acid Rain, Yoshitomo Nara
There are more folders of Favorite Things aside from these, of course. But most of them I can only remember when I need to. I like to compartmentalize my mind when I feel overwhelmed, which is why this whole elaborate thing emerged in the first place. I can’t decide if this is too invasive of a look inside my brain, but here it is anyway.
